Busy week ahead. Posting might be short, sporadic or not at all. I found a half-finished journal entry/concept from 2007 and polished it up, I hope, tacking on a related thought about my effort to Get Back this month:

On the topic of manners, first an aside — the “hotel bathroom dress code.” The world’s become more casual. But whenever I’m in another city and need to use the bathroom, I’ll walk into a big hotel. The slightly fancier ones always have nice bathrooms, and if you take it up just about half a notch on dress and are moving confidently, you won’t be hassled.

The journey back through old writings during Super Bowl Sunday was fun.

Whenever possible I try and be mindful of the idea to keep learning and evolving by not forgetting to look back, asking, “What brought you here in the first place?”

An integral part of this, is the basic social convention: Introduce yourself.

From a young age, I was taught proper manners. Or so I had thought. When I was 18, my fraternity required we probationary members to introduce ourselves to any previously unknown person who showed up at the house. 

It was an outstanding rule.

An essential step in making connections and building relationships with others, the simple act of walking to somebody new, right hand out and making eye contact, shows respect.  By introducing yourself, you are creating an opportunity and making an impression.

That part’s obvious.

This will sound silly, but it’s one of the best things that ever happened to Young Me.

Seeing someone new and approaching with a smile is a distant cousin to public speaking. You’re taking the initiative to put others at ease. 

And it brings you instantly out of your own shell.

In the fraternity with me were two pledge brothers from Louisville, Michael and Lee, good friends to this day who embody great manners. 

Nothing complicated made their excellent behavior stand out. They just performed the social graces effortlessly from a lifetime of having been encouraged in that direction. They were (and still are) adept at doing the little things to make people feel comfortable and included in conversation. 

They were an example to us northerners in the pledge class — whose perfectly acceptable Hoosier manners were, nonetheless, short of the mark.

Funny for me, having grown up just 10 miles north of the Mason-Dixon line (in southwest Indiana), to identify a clear difference in our upbringing and to know that I had received a version of instruction a tic less genteel — and merely “on the way” to being as refined as those two Kentucky boys’.

Michael and Lee, the fraternity brothers from Louisville, showed their hospitality in small but meaningful ways. Take for example the dying concept of standing when somebody new enters the room. Those who still do it often do so after a brief beat or delay, as if realizing, “I should probably stand now.” 

Not them. They would effortlessly invite a newcomer to join the conversation, jumping to their feet to fetch another chair if needed, to create a welcoming atmosphere.

Treating people the right way goes a long, long way. (I’m still talking about it 40 years later!)

It’s the little things… and by introducing yourself (and performing similar moves), you are making people around you feel as if they matter. Simple as that.

Now, for the quote I found on Going Back which I’ve been doing all month:

“Rediscover those aspects of your fundamental nature that may have sunk beneath the surface in your early years.”

Our motives and desires change over time. Getting back is about taking some time to reflect on our formative years —identifying a few earlier goals and aspirations and how they still apply even today. Reconsider the little aspects and wants of our personalities that we have simply lost touch with over time, and you get rewarded once in awhile with a forgotten nugget, or reinforced understanding, to help achieve a bit more fulfillment and happiness.

Since I was a kid, people with solid manners have always tended to stand out in social situations. Today they have become as rare as the snow leopard, yet they remain inspiring.

Introducing oneself allows the other person to put a face and a name to the person they are interacting with.

And making the effort never goes out of style. 

Now, to build the perfect system to always remember the name of the person whom you’ve just met.